How Did I Get Here?

28 Dec

Well, today started out good enough. I had plans with my $193.00 left in the bank. I was gonna give my rental office 100, I was gonna pay 60 to my son’s daycare and the rest was going to my meds(put a pin in that) and maybe a 5 dollar bottle of moscato. Welp, all of that came crashing down because all I really have is 60 dollars…So none of the aforementioned is going to happen. Which means, there will be a late notice on my door, I will be dodging the daycare folk until Friday morning, and I wish I would buy some moscato and my other ish ain’t paid. The meds? Can’t sacrifice those. Hi I’m Victoria Page, and I suffer from depression. I have Medicaid so I don’t have to pay an astronomical co-pay, just a couple of dollars, but the meds stay in the picture. If not….let’s just try not to picture that.

So right now the word of the day is: breathe. I have to tell myself that every time I feel that hot frustration rising up in my chest when I realize that I have so much to do and so little resources to do it with. I want to cry but shit, I am all out of tears…plus I am learning that crying never solves anything you just end up wasting energy…

The snow really messed with my money. Seeing that I have not been here full time for 90 days I don’t get to use that 6 hours of PTO that I have accrued….I could really use that right now because I didn’t get paid for Monday and I won’t be getting paid for Friday, which means that I will real short in my check. *wall slide* The problem with making more money, is when you are hourly, and you miss a day you take a bigger hit. When I was making 9 dollars an hour missing a day (72 dollars) didn’t really kill me, but now? If I miss a day I take a 125 dollar loss in my paycheck….no good.

Well, I have whined all I can….I have some good things that I can reflect on at this time:

  • My babies!!!! They will both be home tonight so I am making Miss Beasley’s favorite–spaghetti! I look forward to laughing with them 🙂
  • Ambien will allow me to fall asleep peacefully…so no 2:30 am episodes of Robot Chicken for me!
  • I have been through worst. Living without lights? Check. Car Repo’d Twice? Check. Verbally Abusive husband? Check. Jilted at the alter? Check. Almost getting evicted? Check. So, me coming up a little short is not going to kill me….just gotta fight to see another day…..xoxoxo!

****For those that want to know….the shortage came from some balance I supposedly owed Enterprise…sheesh….

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