Top 5 Ways to Guarentee You will Never Date Me

8 Jul

I am still navigating the ninth ring of hell called “dating”. Here are some deal breakers for me:

  1. Talking about my ass in a conversation. Yes, I know. God blessed me with a nice donk. I’ve had it since I was 17. It was cool to talk about then, but I’M 30 EFFIN YEARS OLD! The first time I hear the words “I ain’t know you had ass like that”, I shut down. I am more than my booty. It’s unattractive when men my age comment….it makes them sound like a horny high schooler…so unattractive.
  2. Trying to pass of a night of “chilling at the crib” as a date. This only works after we are in an established relationship. But if we are just starting out, my idea of a date (which if you are a single mom means a lot of effort was put forth to be free). is going out to dinner, taking a walk on the beach and buying me Coldstone afterwards, taking me to a musuem, etc. I do not want the culmination of my night to be drinking tequila and watching “Friday”
  3. Try to have sex with me. Again, I am 30 now. A lady doesn’t divulge all her secrets but after two babies and some wild times in my 20’s, I would like to conserve the milage put on my gentleman greeter. If the time is right I will let you know and we can take it from there.
  4. Getting mad with me because I won’t just abandon my kids so I can hang out with you all the time. This also goes with friends. I am a single mom. I work eight hours a day Monday-Friday. I spend minimal time with my babies during the week. I feel like a pretty shitty mom if I choose to spend time with a man over spending time with them.
  5. Stringing me along. Don’t text me all these sweet nothings and then I find out that you are using me to get over someone else. I am on the quest for a man that I can build with. I am beyond that point in my life where I need to be the primary not the secondary. I spent my 20’s loving a bunch of emotionally unavailable men. If the feelings are not mutual, lets go our separate ways and not waste our time.

And that’s that…….if I found a man that could consistantly follow these rules my dating life would be golden!


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