Breaking Up With My Fears

11 Mar

It’s been a long week y’all! I am looking forward to spending some time with J next weekend and getting out of the area. This trip there will be time for me to connect with some of my friends, one in particular my friend Hazel. Hazel and I share a special bond. Her daughter’s father and my ex-husband are cousins. We have share the similar struggle of getting these men to do the right thing by their children. Sadly her daughter’s father is deceased and she is raising her daughter solo. Hazel does a beautiful job, as her daughter is well rounded and very talented. I look forward to meeting with her again.

While driving with my mom today, we chatted a little bit and when I started talking about J, she asked when they were going to meet him (again). This is a difficult thing for me for a few reasons: 1) My mom is tough when it comes to men we date. As a parent I understand, but I am 31 years old. As long as I’m happy she should be happy. 2) Most men I have dated have not wanted to meet my family. To the extent that they would get down right irritated if I asked. I would later learn that meant they weren’t worth a damn and knew my family would be able to see it. 3) Meeting of the parents is a big deal. So, there you have it. Once again fear is ruling an I am scared if I ask J I may get result # 2 because of result #3.

Hello, my name is Victoria and I’m a runner. I have been really going in at the gym during the week so I can endurance and strength for my first 5k. I run a local trail every Saturday with Black Girls Run, and my time was slowly decreasing, but once I turned up the heat in the gym, I was able to shave FIVE MINUTES off my time. The best part was I ran without stopping and I am feeling kinda confident. The “kinda” part is what is holding me back. I am scheduled to run my first 5k on the 31st and I’m scared y’all. I’m scared I won’t finish, scared I won’t be able to finish, scared I’ll suck. I backed out of a race last month for these same reasons. I am going to have to shake that fear because I want to accomplish this. Finish something in my life. So this upcoming week I am going to keep pushing despite that nagging fear in my gut. I can’t be scared forever and fear is not going to keep me from enjoying life. If I’m wack at the race then so be it. I’ll just be better next time.

My books are calling my name and so is my bed and it’s a tug of war in my mind on which one will win. Goodnight!

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