Cautionary Advice For Closet Cougars: Do Not Shop Drunk With 20-Something Girls

14 Aug

Thought Catalog

A few summers ago I signed up to spend a whole month in Paris at a writing workshop. “Those things are for kids,” my mother had said. “Nuh-uh,” I replied, even though I feared she might be right. I actually tried justifying the learning aspect and talked up the inexpensive housing that would allow me to explore the City of Light on a budget. But, somehow she predicted imminent behavior of the moronic kind. The night before I left, her parting words were, “Don’t act like an idiot and remember how many calories there are in alcohol.”

After a week of settling into my two-star hotel room, I’d become friends with a couple of girls in the program, Tina-Marie and Sara. Although my new buds were half my age, they remarked that I could “totally pass for thirty,” and I stupidly started to believe it. My energy was boundless. My thirst…

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