The Myth of Child Support

9 Sep


MmJhNGEyNmMxN2E1_1276Ignorance is really bliss…..

Today as I was scrolling through my news feed I came across this piece that was featured on KFox 14 in El Paso about an attorney who has created a controversial ad, urging men to lawyer up against mothers using child support for “drinks or a new boyfriend.”


In Texas, as they do here in Virginia, child support and other government benefits (unemployment and TANF) are direct deposited on to a state issued card, to cut down on the cost and mailing time for checks and for easier access to funds for recipients that do no have bank accounts.  The claim is the government should put more regulation on where those cards can be used, to ensure the money is going to the children.  I want to debunk a few things that I saw in the piece and that I keep hearing from the disgruntled masses.

  1. Child support is not just issued on a government issued card.  Mine goes to my bank account, which surprise, surprise goes to my debit card.  The initial purpose of these cards was to cut down on the cost to the state for printing checks.  You can’t even get a paper check for your state income tax anymore.  It’s called technology.
  2. A six month doesn’t need $1,400 a month to live.  Have you seen how much it cost to put a 6 month old in daycare?  Let’s do the math shall we?  In Northern Virginia it is approximately 300 dollars a week (YES a WEEK) for an infant.  Multiply that by 4 and you have a daycare bill of 1,200.  Diapers are about 30 dollars for the big box, and you will go though about a box a week, that is another 120.  Which leaves you 80 dollars a month to “buy drinks for your new boyfriend”. GTFOH.  We haven’t even began to factor in the roof over the child’s head, food, clothing, and doctor visits.
  3. Not every woman has children for a paycheck.  Listen, when I had my daughter her father didn’t even have a job.  Now please explain to me how I was going to “come up” from having a baby?  I’ll wait.  Most of these people hollering that they got “trapped” don’t have anything to trap.
  4. There are proper channels.  I have said it once, and I will say it again.  If you feel your money is not going toward your child and you feel they are being neglected: CALL CPS!  Don’t get on Facebook, don’t call your mama, don’t tell your friends.  Contact the authorities, file a complaint and let the chips fall where they may.  I get so tired of seeing people complain as if it’s a one sided process.  Just like I can file a complaint in court, any one can.

This article really pissed me off because there are so many women and men (there are some deadbeat mamas too) that use these same tired excuses everyday to rationalize why they are failing to provided for their children.  Do better.


2 Responses to “The Myth of Child Support”

  1. LongLiveFSLN September 12, 2013 at 8:43 am #

    “I get so tired of seeing people complain as if it’s a one sided process.” I get so tired of bucket head’s like you who act like all’s fair in love and war. Naturally a single mom like you who is laying up with broke guys and having babies you can’t support on your own is going to defend the very system that you are benefiting from. That’s why I tell men, never get married. Never have kids. A prostitute or vasectomy is cheaper than a spouse or baby. And if you do get married, stay away from American black women. I personally stopped messing with African American women decades ago for this very reason. The stuff you wrote. And my life has been all the better for it!

    Your blog post is hilarious and typical. Like most “women,” you seem to have a sense of entitlement just because YOU chose to breed. Single motherhood has become chic and fashionable. It has been openly embraced by society and politicians in recent decades, because of its profitability, whereas at one time is was shunned and shamed. This fact cannot be ignored. According to the US Census, 63% of births right now are out of wedlock! To single mothers! In 1980 is was 18%! These women are the first to tell you that “it’s their body, their choice.” But are the first to have their hands out once they go forward with that choice. Many of these women are purposely choosing to have kids out of wedlock because it’s become a very lucrative scheme. They have babies with several different babies daddies and collect child support from each one of them. In either case, these women become wards of the state. In the first instance as welfare recipients. In the second instance as beneficiaries of the state, which forces the father to now fund two households instead of one.

    Their system allows the babies momma to continue having kids that she can’t support, turns around and encourages her to keep doing this by giving her welfare, food stamps, WIC, tax breaks, tax credits, and then shifts the bill and burden onto the daddy, the non-custodial parent, for all of her kids and all of her bad decisions. Having children and trying to have a family is a crime these days for men. The for-profit child support department makes you a criminal for having children and not submitting to their racket, or being broke and unable to submit and/or to participate in it, or to find work. If a woman has a child she cannot support or has no job, nothing happens to her. She is given welfare benefits, WIC, TANF, food stamps, free health care, section 8 housing, to name a few benefits. Guys however are severely punished for having they cannot afford.

    Are there guys who have kids and then bounce? Of course. Are there guys who truly don’t want to be in their kids life or support them after they’re born? Yes. But just as women have the CHOICE to abort the fetus, bring it to term, put it up for adoption or drop it off at any post office, fire station, police station, NO QUESTIONS ASKED, NO STRINGS ATTACHED, men too should have this option. Especially when women are awarded primary custody by default. That gives them all the power right off the bat. And the laws are totally biased from the get.

    I think that is part of the problem. Both men and women create the fetus but only the woman can decide to terminate it if she doesn’t want a kid. It should be both partners’ right to terminate the fetus if they don’t want children. If a woman can walk around with the attitude that “It’s her body and no one can tell her what she can do with it,” and that includes bringing a child into this world, whether she can support that child (on her own) or not, and the law will back her up, why then are men held to a different standard of responsibility? Why are they left to shoulder the burden?

    Of course many women and our misandry society falsely claim “that woman has to feed, cloth, shelter and be with that kid 24/7, whereas a man doesn’t, he gets to walk away and ‘be free,’ so why shouldn’t he have to shoulder some of the burden?” My response to that nonsense; then the courts should stop awarding primary custody automatically to the woman and split custody 50/50. Equal parenting time. No child support. Both parents care for the kid half the time and if either parent is either unable or unwilling, then he or she must relinquish their rights to the child. Problem solved.

    And if that’s too extreme then the dad should have an opt out clause just as the woman does… if after she has a kid and she changes her mind… remember, she’s allowed to legally abandon her baby at any fire, police, or post office station NO QUESTIONS ASKED and NO FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER! I just don’t understand how on the one hand women constantly walk around saying how wonderful and blessed it is to be a mother but then bitch and complain that they have to take care of their children and be around them all the time.

    Bucket head ho’s have a tendency to say “my kid this, my kid that,” as if they and only they made the baby on their own, yet they want financial support? Dad is denied his rights to be a father until it comes time for support, then all of a sudden he’s the dad and he’s not fulfilling his financial “obligations.” And the government backs this racket up. Dad doesn’t get to claim his kid as a dependent, no matter how much child support he pays. He doesn’t get Family tax credit. He can’t write off what he pays in child support to the IRS, he’s taxed by the government before the money even touches his hands, then his wages are garnished (again, before the money even touches his hand!) but the mom gets that money tax free, she doesn’t have to report it and it doesn’t get taxed. So it doesn’t effect how much and what type of government benefits she can get. Which brings me to my next point.

    Since she has primary custody of the kid, she gets all sorts of perks, WIC, welfare, food stamps, TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families), and its not “temporary” because as long as she keeps having babies, the government will keep on supporting her. She gets school financial aid, low cost housing (Section 8) and all sorts of other good stuff. But the man, if he’s broke, homeless, unemployed, he gets zilch! No one cares about his sob story. Since he doesn’t have possession of the child(ren) he doesn’t qualify for any of those government benefits.

    And he can’t use the “he’s poor” or “he’s broke” excuse, or “he doesn’t have a job,” they’ll throw his ass in jail for contempt of court, or order him to get a job, and if he can’t find employment, more jail time for contempt of court. The woman is never ordered to get a job however, she can sit at home with the kid, that counts as a “job.” But if the man contributed by feeding his kid, dressing them, taking them to school and picking them up, helping them with their homework, cooking their meals, doing their laundry, just simply being there, none of this counts, only financial support does. Being a stay at home mom is celebrated and counts as work, but if you are a dad and do this but are not the custodial parent, this means nothing to the system. So when you really stand back and take a look at these child support laws, it’s right there in plain sight, they don’t want you to be a father, that doesn’t count, only the amount they can count, counts. Money in the bank.

    Custodial parents face no consequences, no punishments, no wage garnishments, or license suspensions, passport suspensions, negative credit scores, bank account seizures or incarceration for refusing to let a non-custodial parent see their child. Yes, don’t expect them to do anything to “Mom” because Mom’s can be in contempt a hundred fold and never get anything but a slap on the wrist, and that is if the judge is having a bad day. Most of them can do what they want with the children and never get in trouble. If dad were the one doing this and the shoe was on the other foot, dad would have been thrown under the jail many many times for contempt.

    It’s not fair that a woman, a “mom,” will not get in trouble for going against the law but a father will. Non-payment of child support can eventually become a criminal matter; since fathers are more commonly the NCP, it’s only natural that more fathers end up in jail for that particular type of contempt than mothers. On the other side of it, withholding visitation is not a criminal matter. It’s a civil matter.

    There is no accountable for “child” support money whatsoever! How it’s spent, where it goes. In no other area of government or law does the system simply take your word for it, that you’re spending the money how you’re supposed to spend it, “trust me.” For everything else receipts are required, yet for “child” support their is no accountability required??? Regarding “modifications” of unfair child support amounts or a change of circumstances, like being laid off, fired, or change of jobs/pay, you have NO clue. Simply going to court and proving you can’t pay doesn’t guarantee anything. It doesn’t work that way. Modifications are rarely given, no matter what circumstances are presented to the court! Because for men it’s not based on what you actually make, or what your current circumstance are, it’s based on EARNING POTENTIAL. Meaning, what the child support office thinks you are capable of making!

    What makes all of this worse is that the department of child support services is NOT a court, they are NOT judges! It’s a for profit, privately owned business, located in every city, county and state in this country. So when people say “there are proper channels,” “just like I can file a complaint in court, any one can,” “contact the authorities,” “file a complaint,” “go to the ‘judge’ for a modification of your child support order,” they don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. The only time you deal with a real judge is when it comes to visitation, since the system has cleverly separated child support and visitation, even though one helps determine the amount of the other. The government has basically privatized the family courts and contracted out child support and alimony (aka mommy support) to a for profit, private company. Hmm, what could possibly go wrong there? Department of child support are not judges, official courts or lawyers, they are merely paper pushers with pens and the ability to ruin your life.

    And society has little to no sympathy for non-custodial dads, they’ve even created hate speech designed to belittle, degrade and vilify him; dead beat dad(s). This single term has massive power. In one swoop, regardless of circumstances, merits of a particular case, or situation, a father can be labelled that and instantly society will treat him like garbage, never once taking the time to learn the details or merits of the situation. But a woman can have as many babies as possible, with as many different babies daddies as possible and she is rewarded, coddled, and genuinely viewed as “the victim.” Help and understanding is offered, society feels bad for her and attempts are made at understanding her situation, even if she’s now made the same “mistake” over and over again, having kids she can’t support with different guys.

    As to how to stop these men from making babies when they don’t support them, I put 100% of the blame on the female. Again, if she can walk around saying “it’s her body, her choice,” which I do support by the way, and obviously government supports this too, then she should shoulder the consequences and choices she makes with “her body,” not pass the buck onto someone else, i.e., the man and the government. If she freely lays down with Tom, Dick and Harry’s Dick, then she should shoulder 100% of the burden unless she’s willing to give primary custody to the man. If HE CHOOSES to be a part of the kids life and provide support, fine, that’s HIS CHOICE, but he shouldn’t be mandated by the government or extorted to do so.

    If he doesn’t want anything to do with the kid and the current laws continue, as they are, and women say he has no say in whether or not she brings that child to term or uses contraception, then he should have THE CHOICE not to support that kid or be a part of their life. It’s actually very simple, considering that she knew he (the man) was not serious about having kids or already had other children, and already wasn’t supporting them when she chose to procreate with him. That’s as much about her choices and judgment (or lack thereof) as it is about his failure to support these children. I would suggest making better choices about who they choose to lay with for any future children they might decide to have.

    But this is all fantasy. That would only take place in a just and fair society, I however live in the United States of America. I live in reality and in reality the laws are biased and stacked against men.

    • jenglenn80 September 12, 2013 at 10:20 am #

      Those entitlements that you speak of? I do not qualify for any of those as my income without child support surpasses the income limits. In order to qualify for a majority of those programs that you mentioned you have to fall way below the poverty line, making it impossible to have any real quality of life. Read my blog entirely, I have a career, I work every day. An entitlement collecting baby factory I am not. Your comment speaks in gross generalizations and low brow language. If you read thoroughly you would have seen my statement that deadbeat parents can be male AND female. In my opinion there is no one gender that has the monopoly when it comes to poor parenting. There is nothing in my post that states that financial support is the ONLY type of support provided by a parent. I am well aware that there are other ways that a father AND mother can support their child. There are days I would gladly trade a day off from running my kids between their activities or not having to cook after a long for 200 dollars. The point of this post was not to bash men, it was to point out that it is not the goal for every single parent to use their children to get rich. What about people who become single parents as the result of a divorce (which is my case)? Did they get married, and have a child in the hopes of collecting a huge payday from the other parent? Are there parents out there that misuse their child support? Absolutely. But they are not a representation of every single mother or father who receives child support. Thanks for reading!

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