Archive by Author

The Whitest Black Girl

23 Jul

Thought Catalog

The most frustrating thing in the world is hearing “You are the whitest black girl.” What the fuck does that mean? That’s not a compliment, that’s insulting. What is acting white? Listening to Indie rock? Speaking like I have an education? HAVING an education? Dressing a certain way? So if that’s “acting white” then you must be insinuating that being black means all the opposite of those things. I know when you say this is me, you don’t mean it like this. You don’t mean for it to be rude or disrespectful, but it is. Why does every black person have to be the stereotypical black person? And when someone IS the stereotypical black person they get called ghetto or rude, so it’s a lose lose situation. I’m proud to be black, I love being black. I love the color of my skin, I love my people, I love my…

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Questionable Female Role Models (Fictional)

21 Jul

Thought Catalog

Margot Tenenbaum

When I’ve been dumped and feel the urge to channel this kind of thing, I have to remind myself that heavy eyeliner makes me look 15, I can’t afford a good fur coat, and it took me a long time to quit smoking.

Laura Palmer

Before things turn sour, she really can pull off a casual blow habit and a nice cardigan (no pun intended…)

Chloë Sevigny in The Last Days of Disco

Like the best poor female role models (and most of Whit Stillman’s leading ladies), Chloë doesn’t do a whole lot but she sure looks great doing it! “You mean it’s a complete cliché? All women recent college graduates drink vodka tonics, or something like that?” Oh, Chloë. I guess she deserves a little credit for that publishing job. I’ll take my vodka tonic now.

Janeane Garofalo in Reality Bites

She was pretty kick-ass, but it’s…

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15 Signs You Are Actually Blanche Devereaux

18 Jul

Thought Catalog

1. You have been handcuffed for 32 hours — and NOT in a prison cell mind you.

It is your personal best.

2. You KNOW You Look Good.

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How dare anyone tell you any differently?

3. You have ever made yourself so hot and bothered that u had to cool yourself off with couple spritzes of water!

You’re just that hot and confident.

4. No matter how depressed you get, you know that cheesecake will be there to save u.

So yummy.

5. Surprises have a tendency to make you jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo!

That’s pretty jumpy, isn’t it?

6. You have absolutely perfected the art of lying about your age!

So many things to do in life before you turn “40”!

7. You really like to take a deep breath before you greet a man because it thrusts your breasts forward!

Don’t forget all…

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The Only Reason I Want To be With You Again Is Because I’m Scared No One Will Ever Feel That Way About Me Again

17 Jul

Thought Catalog

Want more unedited insider info, secrets, and confessions? Like Thought Catalog Anonymous on Facebook here.

First

When I got to your aunt’s apartment on University, I remember how happy you were to see me, even though most of your face, of your body, was covered by the cast-iron façade of the door. I was late and I felt badly, and I tried so hard to make my voice sound convincing when I told you that I’d missed you. I made sure you didn’t kiss me, didn’t reach for my hand until we were inside the apartment, since there was someone in the elevator with us.

Your aunt’s sheets were rosy and satin, and it smelled like expensive potpourri. Inside my head I was screaming, I was nervous, I hated myself for coming. You were so happy, you were always so happy. You didn’t even try to hide it. I…

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10 Red Flags In Dating! (And Yes, I Probably Display 1,010 Of My Own)

17 Jul

Thought Catalog

A couple weeks ago, xoJane had a terrific Google Hangout where we talked about red flags in dating. Why? Because I might as well rename my dating profile Mandy “Red Flag” Stadtmiller.

But that’s OK, I like my red flags. They have a wonderfully vibrant fuschia color to them and look quite stunning in the silhouette of mid-summer moonlight.

Anyway, despite my potential disqualification from being able to talk about this — on account of being so flaggy myself — these are 10 that for me spell a strong likelihood of certain relationship doom down the road. (And please substitute “she” for “he” on all my little flags below as the situation is fit.)

Red Flag #1: He tells little white lies.

This is big for me as honesty is one of the most important parts of a relationship. In my experience a white lie as seemingly inconsequential as listing…

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Boys Never Text You The Things You Want Them To

17 Jul

Thought Catalog

Boys never text you the things you want them to. They really don’t. You can spend up to an hour crafting the most beautiful text message. A team of top-notch specialists can look it over and give you the “OK” before you send it off. You’ll think to yourself, “This is it. This is the text message that will turn him into the person I want him to be. This will be the text that will make him realize that I like him and that he likes me.”

The text you send is heartfelt without being overbearing, sweet without giving the recipient a toothache, thoughtful without being too “inside joke.” You look at the text and almost cry because it’s so exquisite. If you could just date this text message, you would. It’d be a hell of a lot easier, you know?

You send it. A giant weight is lifted…

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5 Dates You Have To Go On This Summer

16 Jul

Thought Catalog

1. Take a day trip

Summer is all about going on adventures with the people you love. You have to treat every day like it’s a never-ending popsicle for you to suck on and not give a damn if the sweet juice sticks to your fingers and makes everything a mess. Summer is inherently dirty. If you’re not getting a little scuffed up, you’re doing it wrong.

A cheap and easy way to start getting your feet dirty with your significant other is to go somewhere, anywhere, that’s not where you live. Drive to the beach, to a swimming hole, to a river, or to a faraway park. It really doesn’t matter, does it? The point is to just get away with the person you adore and experience something different together. Practically anything new is considered to be romantic. You get 10,000 relationship points just for THINKING of something that’s…

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