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Thankful

24 Nov

It’s been a long time dear readers….so much has happened to me in the past months and I have so much to say, so make a pot of coffee and you a pack of Marlboro Menthol Special Blends and let me talk.

In the beginning of October I FINALLY got my child support lump sum payment (from my baby daddy, not my ex-husband). It was three times what I thought I was gonna get, and I was amped. As we all know, my last vehicle was reposessed last year, and I have been driving a series of hoopdies until I could afford a down payment on a new car. One day in October, I took the kids to Hall Honda, just to see what I would need to do in order to purchase a car. I didn’t intend to buy a car that day at all. The salesman came out and I told him I had my eye on a 2009 Chevy Cobalt and a 2005 Hyundai Santa Fe. Neither of these cars are what I really wanted but they were in my price range, so hey! He offered to show me one more car that he had in the back. At first I was internally rolling my eyes. I fell for the following trick when I bought my very first new car. I came in looking for a used car and then the salesman rolled out this brand new car and I was hooked. This time was different, he rolled out a cute little gray 2005 Honda Civic. Automatically I thought the car was going to be way out of my price range. Honda’s hold their values well and I was too sure this car was going to be out of my range. I nearly hit the floor when I heard the salesman say it was only 10k. I jumped on the option to purchase. I was afraid my credit was too scarred to obtain financing, but it wasn’t and after 4 hours of paperwork, I rode off with a new car. I cannot tell you all how good it feels to not have to drive around with a jug of antifreeze in my trunk or how awesome it is to drive to work without smelling the combination of gasoline and coolant. Most of all I am happy to have reliable transportation.
One of the reasons I was moved to find reliable transportation is because for the first time in 5 years I am going to a New Years Celebration with my sister. If we all can reflect on last year, I spent my NYE crying in my room because I had been rejected by “The Friend”. This year I am looking forward to an awesome time with awesome people. I am going to Big Night DC at the Gaylord National Resort. I am currently on the hunt for a classy but chic NYE dress.
So I am sure you all are wondering what the deal is with my dating life. The true story is I am not dating a lot these days. I am refusing to settle for my usual, so that has slimmed down my prospects tremendously. That is ok, though. I have become more specific in my criteria in a mate. Job, own place to live, and vehicle is a must have. I am a single mother with two kids and if a single man without kids has not accomplished that then I can’t hang.
Today is Thanksgiving and I am so thankful for my freedom and my family. This is my first holiday in three years where I am unattached. My previous holidays have been spent worrying about getting back home to someone who didn’t care for me or placating a half a husband. This year, I have my own plans, to include on black Friday. I look at where my life has gone in a year. I remember last year I didn’t even have enough money to pay my rent and this year I am shopping on Black Friday. Isn’t God amazing?
It’s time for me to return to the world of wine, cooking, telling old stories, and watching football. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
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They Do Exist

26 Sep

Gentlemen, that is. Today before filling out paperwork for the new job (yay!), I decided to have lunch at Cheeseburger in Paradise. I hadn’t eaten there in a long time and it was nice to have a meal sans babies. I entered the restaurant, and seated myself where most party of ones seat themselves, the bar. It was mainly empty due to the time of day. After ordering my wings and iced tea, a man came in and seated himself to my left about three chairs away. I noticed him ordering a rum and coke with limes and a club sandwich. When my food arrived we exchanged light conversation about how good my food looked and we didn’t say much else. After I finished eating, I asked for my check and the bartender brought it over. I got out my credit card, preparing to hand it to the bartender and I heard a voice say, “No, I’ve got it.” It was the man that was on my right. I was floored. I smiled and asked him if he was sure and he said, “Absolutely.” I handed him the check and he looked me in my eyes and said, “Now you can’t say that there are no gentlemen left.” I thanked him and introduced myself and he did the same and told me he hoped our paths would cross again. I exited the restaurant and damn near hit my dougie right in the parking lot. I wasn’t excited because I scored a free meal, but I was happy that God showed me at that exact moment I did not have to settle for anything less than the best. I am worthy of a true to life date, and I need to hold out until I get what I want. I want to be pursued for the right reasons. That proved to me that men are still interested in knowing ME not my booty or my gentlemen greeter. That felt good!

On the side of all things being a mommy, my baby boy is on his way to being potty trained. Well not all the way, but he pooped in the potty Friday night! Ten minutes prior, he came to me holding his crotch (ew!) saying, “I go poop.” I sniffed and I shrugged it off, he hadn’t pooped. So a couple of seconds later he starts pulling down his pants. Miss Beasley yelled, “I think Chunky has to potty.” Again, I didn’t really pay any attention because when it comes to going to the potty he is the little boy who cried wolf. So for entertainment purposes, I put him on his tiny potty and a couple of seconds went by and I stood him up, while I was doing this my daughter screamed, “HE’S POOPING!” I quickly sat him back down and he began to make the “poop face.” Me and Miss Beasley went nuts. We were hollering for him like he was going for the winning touchdown at the Superbowl. He looked proud and confused at the same time. When he was done, we looked in the potty and there is was, yellow-green poop that looked like soft serve ice cream. I was almost tempted to take a picture of it that is how proud I was. Upon further inspection I saw that he also peed. The crowd went wild. Grandmothers were called, Facebook statuses updated, Aunts were texted. It was wonderful, our little boy went on the potty! That day meant a lot to me. Why? That means I am one step closer to being liberated from diaper changing. I am one step closer to not having diapers in my budget. I was so excited I bought him a pair of boxers (no tightie whities for him…gotta let it breathe..lol). I know all of this is premature and it may have been a fluke, but a mom can dream right?

Mind of a Child

20 Sep

This morning I got hit in the head with a very interesting question from Miss Beasley. We were eating breakfast and out of the blue, she asked me, “Do you like daddy?” That was a really loaded question. Sure, the police don’t have to be called every time we get together, but I think the word “like” is a stretch for him and I. Back in the day I used to luuuuurrrvve my daughters father. He was my sun, moon and stars. I had a huge crush on him all through high school and we started dating when I was 21 years old. One year later, I gave birth to Miss Beasley, and this is where shit went left. I took to being a mother like a fish to water, he on the other hand struggled in his new role as a father. I never doubted that he loved Miss Beasley, I think all the responsibility of being a father was a lot for him and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Long story short, we grew to be different people. Our breakup wasn’t too messy, but when it came to the issue of child support that is when it got ugly. He was angry I filed and he thought he was paying too much. This lead to him having to move back in with his parents and bad feelings were created all around. Which brings us to today. Miss Beasley’s father and I don’t speak at all, not so much as a hello. He comes in the morning to take Gabby to school he doesn’t say a word and hell either do I. How did I answer Miss Beasley’s question? I used gentle honesty. I told her me and her dad aren’t BFF’s, but we don’t hate each other. That answer seemed to satisfy her, and on her way she went. It got me thinking about how far he and I have come in the last 10 years. He and I were a team, and we pushed each other to be the best that we could be. There are times while navigating the dating world, I miss the cohesiveness that me and her father used to share. That kind of quality in a relationship has been VERY hard for me to find. Am I posed to fall on my sword and go back to Miss Beasley’s dad? No. We aren’t even the same two people that fell in love that cool fall afternoon in 2001. It’s just very surprising how far two people who were so close have drifted so far.

I got a new job ya’ll!!!!! It’s a lot more money and a lot more responisiblity. I am getting the opportunity to return to the healthcare field, and I’m loving it. You know what I am really excited about? Wearing scrubs again to work. It’s like wearing pajamas to work everyday. I am going to buy some new ones since the ones I had previously do not fit since it’s been 3 years and a one pregnancy ago.

Dating, dating, dating dating….ugh. I think I am going to take a break. I feel like I am at TJ Maxx looking through the racks and nothing looks appealing to me. It’s break time. I have spent an inordinate amount of time looking for Mr. Right and I would like to tell him, he is gonna have to find me, lol. My divorce is 2 weeks from being final and I don’t want to hop back in the same situation of getting into a relationship or married to someone who is not right for me. Being alone sucks sometimes, but being tied to the wrong person sucks even more.

Changes

13 Sep

Exceedingly and Abundantly
There is so much going on in my life right now I just don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Last Friday, I was offered a position with a Naval Contractor, however, on Monday I received an e-mail from another Naval Contractor who works with one of the major shipyards on the Peninsula. You know, for all the time I spent looking in all the wrong places it is funny how God is bringing all the right places to me. Exceedingly and abundantly, indeed.

Here In My Dreams
Have you ever had a really graphic dream about someone you barely talk to? Well remember MiddleSchoolCrush? I dreamt about him last night. I am not going to get into a lot of details, but he was really good in bed*. See what happens when you don’t have sexy time for a long time? You start thinking about peen you never even had. Now I have that weird feeling I get after a graphic dream, like I need to call him or message him on facebook just to see…I don’t know if it was good to him too? LOL. I won’t do that…but I will “like” one of his statuses in lieu of sending an awkward, “Hey” message.

School Days
Statistics is hard y’all. That is all I have to say about that. I should have given more thought to what I was going to take as my first class. If I make it out with a “C” I will be happy.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I have been looking at Miss Beasley’s syllabus (yes, second graders have syllabi) and they are learning some heavy duty stuff. I am happy I am back in school, now I can keep up. This month they are studying matter, learning how to write a fictional story and learning about the government. That sounds like my senior year in high school.

Chuuuuuuccccchhhh
I went to church on Sunday for the first time in a long time. The service held a little long, but the message was awesome. There was a certain point in the sermon where the Bishop posed the question, “Where were you with the anointing?” This was an excellent question. I sat in the pew and wondered where I had been with my anointing. It’s been to the club, in a hotel room, enjoying herbal supplements, hugged up in a bed with a married man, passed out in the front of a Toyota Camry, it’s been everywhere. That question was so powerful that I find before I agree to go somewhere or do something, that I hear that little voice asking, “Where are you taking your anointing?”

Randoms

8 Sep

With school for me and Miss Beasley starting back up, I have not had the time to blog. Can I also mention I really miss my laptop and I need to get off the dime and go get it fixed? Ok, so bringing you up to speed:

Opportunity Knocking

So we all know I am on the hunt for something bigger and better for my career, and there has been a straight up dry spell. Well, it appears it is over. I have gotten 4 different job offers at VERY good companies doing something that will grow my bank account. I feel like Lebron without that bad hairline. I don’t know where I am taking my talents but wherever it is there has to be the potential for growth.

Dating…ugh

Messy. It is almost cuffing season and I am without an individual to cuff. I get a little pain in my heart (lol) when I think about it, but then I read the events of last year’s cuffing season and my soul says, “no thank you.” With that being said, I am less focused on being boo’d up this winter and more on my kids and this schoolwork.

School Days

I am back in school, earning that Enviromental Health degree. I was all gung-ho until I saw the plethora of science I am going to have to take. IT was much easier to manuver through. I like a challenge so this will be good for me.

Don’t Leave While Your’e Hot

I don’t think I ever blogged about him, but back after me and the Good Reverand Doctor split up I began seeing this man who we will call Nunyah. He is 50% of the reason the theme of 2008 was simply “2008 and Heartbreaks”. Long story short, he was dating me, got married, was still pursuing me, and then finally he moved to a far off land for a short period of time. Through all this is ass is still contacting me. Of course he is singing the same old song “I shoulda married you…I hate this shit”. Try it again queen.

New Obsession

I have never been one for DIY maniures. Lately I figured I should put that Paul Mitchell education to use and I have been doing my own manicures. Now that I know how to CORRECTLY polish my nails, I have been buying nail polish like a maniac. It is apart of the budget, that is how deep it goes. I like that I can change my nail polish to reflect my mood for the day or the evening.

Juvenile and Domestic Relations Hell

Back for the third time in three months. This time the defendant was El Douchebag. Guess what y’all? He didn’t show up. When I FINALLY got a hold of him (by blocking my number on my house phone), he acted as if he had no idea what I was talking about, and I politely informed him he is now a fugitive of the law since they issued a warrant. He starts rambling about he got a job now and is going to be paying regularly, and I just replied, “Paying doesn’t get rid of the warrant…you need to turn yourself in and then let the judge know your intentions.” I bet my whole paycheck he won’t do any of that. He is messy like that. But you know what y’all? In four weeks…..I’ll be free, and that makes it all worthwhile!

Five Steps

30 Aug

I looked at my calender this evening and realized that I have a whopping five more weeks until I can file for divorce. I never thought this day would come. As “fun” as it was being married to El Douchebag, I have to say I am happy to be able to close that chapter in my life. Don’t get me wrong we had some good times together and the best thing to come from our marriage was our son. The truth of the matter is E.D. ( I can’t keep typing that) liked the idea of being married, but he didn’t know what it took to be a husband. He hadn’t mastered providing and protecting his family. If I had a dime for every time he left us flapping in the wind I would be a millionaire right now. I am not without fault, I should have known better. I married E.D. because I was feeling so much heartbreak from being jilted at the alter by The Good Reverend Doctor. I wish I knew then that my heart would heal and I would get past that. But I didn’t. I settled for the first thing that winked at me because after suffering that type of public humiliation I wanted people to see that I was still worth marrying. Long story short, it blew up in my face.

What I am focused on now is rebuilding my life. The first step is learning how to date. I will admit I don’t know how. I meet a man, like him, and start picturing forever. That is no way to live. That leads to settling. Does anyone have any advice? I am completely lost at that subject. The second step is getting to where I need to be in life. For the last 10 years I have had a bunch of dreams, but now it is time to turn these into goals. My first goal is to rid myself of any manner of public assistance I am on by the time I am 31 (November). I have already chunked the deuces to SNAP and I am kicking Child care assistance out the door too. I have been doing this for over a year and it is time I learned to stand on my own to. My fight is gone. There was a time when I would grind hard to get what I want but it seems like I have just laid down and took a break. Second order of business is to find a CAREER. I have had a string of jobs but I want a career. I am not getting any older and I don’t want to be working while I am in my 70’s because I never had a stable job that allowed me to save for retirement. I am just tired of the way that I am living and I left E.D. so I could pursue my life free of the drama that he brought and it’s time for my pity party to cease and I need to get on with living my best life!

Good Night Irene

26 Aug

The title of this blog and the subject matter have nothing to do with each other, I just wanted to say that lol.

Grow the Hell Up

I talked to my ex-husband today. We spoke on the matter of him not paying child support. I discovered two little nuggets of information. 1) He has been working all this time and STILL wasn’t paying. Who does that? You know I was mad as hell 2) He got fired from that job for……fighting. Yes, you read that right. Fighting. What 40 year old man gets fired for fighting on the job? You know I am not necessarily in love with my job, but it pays the bills and puts food on the table. I am not going to jeopardize that for anyone. I come to work to do my job and make money, end of story.

Thank God For Male Friends

So I ran my little dilema by my male friend Sam, and he gave me some good advice. You can’t go accusing someone without proof. You can go with your gut and walk away, but to accuse without proof makes you look a little cray-cray. I wish I would have asked his advice before acting the donkey. Hey, you live and you learn.

Do the Hurricane

So as we all may know there is a hurricane headed for the area I am in. I have waffled back and forth about whether I would evacuate or stay. I am choosing to stay because I don’t live in a low-lying area. I stocked up on all my supplies and me and Chunk are ready. Miss Beasley is vacationing in Alabama (jealous) so when the ish hits the fan it will be just me and the boy. You know what I am really scared of? The power and cable going out. I think hell is having to tend to an attention starved one year old while there is no power on. How is he gonna go to sleep without his white noise maker? How will I keep him calm by turning on Yo Gabba Gabba. This will be my greatest mothering challenge to date.

I will certainly update everyone on how we made out!

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