The holidays are here and I am FINALLY getting into the Christmas spirit! While I was drunk with Christmas spirit a week or so ago, I made a status about wanting to throw a Christmas party and forgot all about it. That was until J called me at work and asked what was up with the party on Saturday. So on Saturday, J and I are throwing our first ever Christmas party. Thoughtful man he his, the first question out of his mouth was, “Do you want me to call the house cleaning service?” Uh, does a bear shit in the woods? Continue reading
The Sads aka depression is….back. I can’t pinpoint exactly when it returned, but for the last four days I have been paralyzed by crying spells and feeling extremely disconnected with the world. Today I am supposed to have my housewarming, but I am re-scheduling (AGAIN!) because at this exact moment, I can’t get out of bed. I attempted to cook this morning as a way to jump start my mood, but it wasn’t as successful as I hoped it would be. So what now? I don’t really know. I am going to will myself to take a shower and paint my nails(one of my favorite things) and see if that helps. Peace.
*shoves Hello Kitty boombox in the corner*
I had a very bad morning. Bad like, I wanted to get back in the bed. I was thisclose to calling out because something said, “Gurl…don’t even step out the door, ” but I did and the hell commenced. Things were going along pretty good at first, The Boy and The Girl got ready without incident and then we headed downstairs so I could make them breakfast. Yes, I find time to scramble eggs and fry turkey bacon every morning, but don’t get it twisted. It’s because I did it for the first day of school and now they expect it. I hope this is remembered when they pick my nursing home. Anyway, I go to change purses to match my shoes, and then I notice my debit card is gone.
I started to panic as I turned my dining room upside down. When did I last have it? How long has it been missing? Has The Boy been playing “Airport” with my purses again? I immediately hoped and prayed that my card was in my desk in my office. Sorry kids, no scrambled eggs and turkey bacon this morning. I sped to the daycare and I don’t even remember saying good bye (put a pin in that). I burned up 495 getting to my office, I opened the drawer and….no card. I began to sob like I was three years old and someone said I couldn’t come to “their birthday.” Which if you know any three year-olds that is the equivalent to saying, “Ya Mama.” So I got on the phone with my bank cancelled my card and then they tell me that…..I can’t get another card for 7 days, 3 tops if I pay an additional 50 dollars. But get this: That three business days is three business days from processing which takes two days. I know you are asking why I couldn’t just go to the branch and get my life. Yeah, no, my bank has no branch in NOVA. Which also meant I get paid Friday and would have no access to my money on payday and I have a mortgage payment due. So by this point I am damn near hysterical and I have had no coffee. Finally I get someone on the phone who can help and long story short, they can do a wire transfer (for a handsome fee) and all will be right with the world. I went in my desk got a Coke and sat there crying some more about being mean to The Goons this morning and acting the ass on the phone. Then I log on to FB and see where a friend of mine has had a major health crisis. I immediately feel super stupid for acting like my lost debit card was the end of the world. I am wall sliding like I am in an after school special and she is in the most positive and happy moods. This threw things into perspective for me: This debit card is not a big deal. Not having my coffee was not a big deal. If someone is going through something far more life changing than me having to wait three days for a card and can keep a positive attitude, so can I. I thought about Iyanla Vanzant’s interview with Oprah (pre Fix My Life) and remembered when she spoke about grieving her daughters death. She was laying around feeling sorry for herself and saying how she would just never recover and she heard a little voice say, “Stop being dramatic!” and she found the strength to move past that moment in her life. Today was my “stop being dramatic” moment. I’m alive. I have kickass kids. I have a career. I’m in my right mind (90 percent of the time, up from 80 percent lol). I have a lot to be grateful for and little bumps in the road don’t mean it’s the end of the road.
I heard about the story of Anthony Stokes yesterday and my first thought was, “How horrible!” His parents feel like their son was denied a heart transplant because of his poor grades and run ins with the law. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that’s not it. When you are denied services for non complience it is usually because you have a long and DOCUMENTED history of not following the doctor’s instructions. How do I know? I am non compliant. I have already explained my issues with Bipolar II disorder and I will be the first to tell you, I hate taking those meds. Hate, Hate, Hate. While they keep me stable, they cause the worse weight gain and lethargy that I have ever experienced. Sure the tradeoff is horrible, but the side effects suck. Not to mention, at the young age of 32 I had a pill box to keep up with what I was supposed to take in the morning, in the day, prn….you get it. So I get it. I fall off the wagon, miss appointments, and don’t get my Rx’s filled as the result of that I have been “fired” from several offices for non-compliance. What I have learned the hard way, is you do not want that non compliance scarlet letter. There are some doctors who refuse to treat me now( and they have that right) because it is all over my chart that I don’t follow instructions. That’s the bad part, because when I go into a cycle, that help that I need won’t be available and….it’s my own fault.
Organ transplants are no small thing. How you would you feel if your family member was waiting on a kidney, and it went to someone who hadn’t done the basics to take care of themselves while they were sick? I am praying for that young man, and hopefully, he is able to find a way to get another heart and does the right thing when he gets it.
It’s really happening. Miss Page is buying a home. I really expected this time to be spent on Pintrest and DIY sites, but instead I am pulling all my hair out. The bank accepted my offer (it’s a foreclosure) and now I am waiting on the appraisal. First and foremost, under my sisters advice, I have decided to hire my own appraiser (because I don’t have enough to do) and either way it goes, I’m out $500. Then my agent calls and says to bring another $500 in earnest money. A grand in a day and I’m over here weeping because I know this isn’t the end. As if that wasn’t enough, financial aid is playing reindeer games. I just love the random-hold up your aid game. Lets not forget….I’m also training for the Divas Half. My plate is too full, but I cannot eliminate any of these things from my plate. I know I wave my strong single mama flag all the time but let me take off my cool for a minute. When I got home today, for a minute I wished I had some arms to lay in and bounce ideas off of. Instead, I got a three year old demanding to eat raw oatmeal. This next month I know I will only get by with prayer and patience. Now I’m going to close these eyes and when I wake up, I’ll be here to fight another day.
*turns down Hello Kitty boombox*
I don’t know if I want to blame this on PMS, but today would be a good day for wine. And Valium. Lots of valium. Just kidding, about the valium part at least. So this is going to be a brain dump of things that are on my mind. No rhyme or reason just because…..
1) Since we are talking “lady problems”, and I am now the proud owner of an insurance card, I have made the decision to go ahead and shut down the factory. I will be 32 this year, I have two kids, I really am not interested in taking another ride on the L&D wagon. Chunky is almost 3 AND potty trained, I am not in the mood to start all over.
2) J will be out of town for the week so………y’all know what that means. There was a joke I wanted to put here but I will leave the issue alone. I am not sure he would find it funny at this point.
3) Nupes Day Party on Saturday! I promise not look any Nupe directly in the eyes. My sister warned to not never get involved with a Kappa. She said, “If you think you have wall slid over a man…..get involved with a Kappa, you will be wall sliding all over the place.” I’m not about that life. I am however looking forward to meeting some new people. I have invited a friend from high school to come with me since we are both new to the area. Each one teach one.
4) Red Hook Summer by Spike Lee. Check it out. It’s gonna be dope.
5) Hennessey and Ginger Ale. Dope. Shout out to the homie for putting me on.
6) Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s is going to get all my money.
7) Rosewater, Jojoba oil, coconut oil, and vegetable glycerin make a wonderful leave-in/ detangler. Moisture and happiness have been restored to my hair.
8) Free Scrubs at work. Charlie Sheenin!
9) No poetry lately. I am having horrible writers block.
10) I would like a hug. Among other things right now.
The title of this blog and the subject matter have nothing to do with each other, I just wanted to say that lol.
Grow the Hell Up
I talked to my ex-husband today. We spoke on the matter of him not paying child support. I discovered two little nuggets of information. 1) He has been working all this time and STILL wasn’t paying. Who does that? You know I was mad as hell 2) He got fired from that job for……fighting. Yes, you read that right. Fighting. What 40 year old man gets fired for fighting on the job? You know I am not necessarily in love with my job, but it pays the bills and puts food on the table. I am not going to jeopardize that for anyone. I come to work to do my job and make money, end of story.
Thank God For Male Friends
So I ran my little dilema by my male friend Sam, and he gave me some good advice. You can’t go accusing someone without proof. You can go with your gut and walk away, but to accuse without proof makes you look a little cray-cray. I wish I would have asked his advice before acting the donkey. Hey, you live and you learn.
Do the Hurricane
So as we all may know there is a hurricane headed for the area I am in. I have waffled back and forth about whether I would evacuate or stay. I am choosing to stay because I don’t live in a low-lying area. I stocked up on all my supplies and me and Chunk are ready. Miss Beasley is vacationing in Alabama (jealous) so when the ish hits the fan it will be just me and the boy. You know what I am really scared of? The power and cable going out. I think hell is having to tend to an attention starved one year old while there is no power on. How is he gonna go to sleep without his white noise maker? How will I keep him calm by turning on Yo Gabba Gabba. This will be my greatest mothering challenge to date.
I will certainly update everyone on how we made out!