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From the Desk of Miss Page….

27 Aug

Many of you may be wondering what happened to J, as I really don’t blog about him as much anymore.  I figured today was a good time to address that.  For over a year, I defended his need for what he called privacy in his relationship.  This was a lot for me to swallow, even when he referred to me as his “homegirl” or “the homie” when introducing me.

I took this too, as a part of his need for privacy.  But there is a fine line between privacy and hiding.  After uncovering lies by omission every couple of months, it became painfully clear that J wasn’t being private about our relationship, he was hiding it.  I defended this for so long because I didn’t want to admit to myself that I had made the SAME mistake again.  I was dating a man that loved me in the dark, but not in the light.  The final straw is when I heard the actual truth of what happened and who was called when he had an emergency this past winter.  I don’t have to tell you who, if you read this blog you already know (here’s a hint: Wedding).  You know when I found about his emergency?  Three days later.  And during that three days NO ONE said anything to me.  Why?  Because to his friends I wasn’t his girl.  I was his “homie.”  So, I sit here a little embarrassed, because I really thought I knew better, but I didn’t.  That being said, I don’t harbor any ill will, I just know that the next time around, I will pay closer attention.

Three more days until closing and I am pumped!!!  My walk through is scheduled for the 29th, and the next day is closing time.  I honestly did not think I was going to make it to this week.

I ran a 5k this morning before work, and I feel like a bag of money.  My intention was to only run 2 miles, but when I got to two, I felt so damn good that I wanted to go to three.  I would have gone to four, but I love my job and I was already on the cusp of being late.

Thank God for GPS.  Yesterday, I accidently got on at 495 NORTH, and the next thing I know, my ass was at Dulles Airport.  Let’s note that Dulles is nowhere near my house and I learned that taking the free Dulles toll road and turning around at the airport will get your ass a ticket.  It took me an extra 45 minutes to get home, but I did discover that if I never need to catch a flight and I have leave from my job, it’s not that far to the airport.  The more you know….

 

 

 

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Rainy Monday: The Mind of Miss Page

29 Apr

spongebob

After an awesome weekend, cheering my sister on in the Nike Women’s Half Marathon, today is a rainy Monday.  Here are some things on the mind of Miss Page: Continue reading

Find Some Damn Business!

4 Feb

I think that special time of the month is approaching, because I turned into an angry woman/Scott Mescudi hybrid. J is going out of town again and my imagination just ran away with itself. I started thinking of him meeting some stylish childfree woman and kicking me to the curb. This insecurity haunted me all day, and then when I was on my monster workout, I remember my sister telling me the phrase, “I am enough.” I am a good woman, I’m smart, funny, well spoken, personable, and easy going. What you see is what you get. Yup, I’m a single mother, trying to better herself and live my dreams. If J is into the things that make me, me then no skinny,childless model will stand in the way of that. All that aside I am excited to see him and we have some amazing plans. I’m more excited about having our classic conversations but this time in person.

I am studying for my CCNA cert and it seems like I am picking up on the material really well, I forgot for a minute how smart I am. Every time I feel like slacking, I close my eyes and think of me living the life I want. My children are happy and we aren’t worried about money, full refrigerators and the finest of everything. There is no success without sacrifice.
Working out is my new hobby. I ran last week and around the .25 mile make something happened: Bone Crusher’s “Never Scared” came on and I just started kicking ass. I picked up the pace and I just felt my chest open up. All the frustrationf the last 4 years just floated away. I ran from everything that tried to hurt me: Rev dumping me, that adulterous relationship, my hell of a marriage, all my insecurities. It felt soooooo good. Better than my very first orgasm. Since that day I have been on mission trying to catch that feeling. Running has also been a great outlet to relieve my anxiety. I am loving this new addition in my life.
I have so much to do this upcoming week. I have school plays, workouts and a trip to pack for. Here’s to a kickass next week! xoxoxo

Getting Right

25 Jan

I have gotten a CCNA cram guide and wooooo my head is spinning. I am waiting for my actual book to arrive so I am using this as a little intro before I delve in further. I’m pleased at the info I am learning. I come from a programming background, so this is new territory for me, but I got this.

I have made some positive changes in my life, starting with the way I think. For the last 3 years I have been in survival mode. I was so busy living day to day that I couldn’t see any further than the next day. I have started saving for my retirement and setting a financial foundation for my kids. I used to be a beast when it came to money and I’m back on that mindset. I’m also feeling extra motivated. I am starting to see there is life beyond where I am. I don’t have to stay in then”down trodden single mother” lane. The only way I will stay there is if I want to.
Can we talk about these insane dreams I have been having? Last night I dreamt of William from the show “Girlfriends.” He was my boo y’all lol. You know what was different about this dream is that intimacy, not sex was the focus. Subconsciancially that is what I have been craving. I like orgasms as much as the next woman, but I am craving thag feeling of a man’s arms around me, soft kisses in my most softest places, sex but with a connection…..then way it should be. That is why I’ll be practicing abstinence for a while. I don’t want a man who can just make my hello kitty feel good, I want to walk way knowing that our moment of intimacy meant something on both sides. It’s hard but you can’t put a price on dignity.
Time to unwind, it’s been a trying week but God is keeping me. xoxoxo and stay blessed!

One Hit Away

20 Jan

Things have been pretty cool over here in the wild world of Miss Page. I’m not going to regale y’all with the awesomess that is J, but I will say this: if hope that he’s the one, if not he is the prototype. Ladies, after years of chasing men that didn’t care about me it’s nice having someone in my life that cares. He doesn’t want anything from me, just me. Ba da ba ba I’m loving it.

Working in an office with women is the epitome of drama. There are alliances and gossip galore. I stay out of it because if there is anything I have learned in my 16 years of working is to stay above all the drama. My supervisor is amazing though. I knew we were gonna click because she is a single mother like myself. She understands my struggle. She didn’t throw shade when I took a little time out to get some things straigthened out with my the payments for my daughter’s afterschool program tuition. She doesn’t fuss about my internet usage during downtime because she knows that I know how to manage myntime and I get my work done. After coming off of employment with the City, that is refreshing.
While I was writing this blog, my daughter came in my room informing me there are some boys in her class that are not so nice. My advice I gave her came directly from Ru Paul. “People’s opinions of you are none of your business. That’s their baggage. Love who you are an OWN IT! I’m just happy she felt comfortable talking to me. That lets me know that she knows that she can.
It’s time for me to turn in……a girl needs her beauty rest! xoxoxo

I Feel Good All Over

15 Jan
This has been a really wonderful week for me. I know I sound like some old softie, but J has really been keeping a smile on my face. He’s very attentive and I like that. I mentioned that I was going to run the Rock and Roll marathon in Miami, and within 30 minutes he had picked a flight, hotel, and car. Talk about a man taking control….and he made sure that everything that was picked was quality. I think I’m liking the passenger seat, lol.

I am going for my Cisco certification in May and I am excited as hell. My mom is supporting me by watching my kids so I can really focus on my studies. I will also start
my adderall regimen so I can stay focused in class and really absorb what is being said.
Hi my name is Victoria and I am a runner. Running is like crack to me. It has replaced my love of wedding cake ice cream. I have solved my dilemma on where to run on the weekends. The local high school has a track and I am going to get some running in on Mondays and Thursdays. The rest of the week I am going to be in the gym. I want my body to be a beast by summer.
Things seem to be looking up for me. Is life a picnic everyday? No, but I am learning to find the beauty and humor in each negative so it turns into a positive..I had fun bowling with some new friends and I’m looking forward to church in the morning! xoxoxoxo

They Do Exist

26 Sep

Gentlemen, that is. Today before filling out paperwork for the new job (yay!), I decided to have lunch at Cheeseburger in Paradise. I hadn’t eaten there in a long time and it was nice to have a meal sans babies. I entered the restaurant, and seated myself where most party of ones seat themselves, the bar. It was mainly empty due to the time of day. After ordering my wings and iced tea, a man came in and seated himself to my left about three chairs away. I noticed him ordering a rum and coke with limes and a club sandwich. When my food arrived we exchanged light conversation about how good my food looked and we didn’t say much else. After I finished eating, I asked for my check and the bartender brought it over. I got out my credit card, preparing to hand it to the bartender and I heard a voice say, “No, I’ve got it.” It was the man that was on my right. I was floored. I smiled and asked him if he was sure and he said, “Absolutely.” I handed him the check and he looked me in my eyes and said, “Now you can’t say that there are no gentlemen left.” I thanked him and introduced myself and he did the same and told me he hoped our paths would cross again. I exited the restaurant and damn near hit my dougie right in the parking lot. I wasn’t excited because I scored a free meal, but I was happy that God showed me at that exact moment I did not have to settle for anything less than the best. I am worthy of a true to life date, and I need to hold out until I get what I want. I want to be pursued for the right reasons. That proved to me that men are still interested in knowing ME not my booty or my gentlemen greeter. That felt good!

On the side of all things being a mommy, my baby boy is on his way to being potty trained. Well not all the way, but he pooped in the potty Friday night! Ten minutes prior, he came to me holding his crotch (ew!) saying, “I go poop.” I sniffed and I shrugged it off, he hadn’t pooped. So a couple of seconds later he starts pulling down his pants. Miss Beasley yelled, “I think Chunky has to potty.” Again, I didn’t really pay any attention because when it comes to going to the potty he is the little boy who cried wolf. So for entertainment purposes, I put him on his tiny potty and a couple of seconds went by and I stood him up, while I was doing this my daughter screamed, “HE’S POOPING!” I quickly sat him back down and he began to make the “poop face.” Me and Miss Beasley went nuts. We were hollering for him like he was going for the winning touchdown at the Superbowl. He looked proud and confused at the same time. When he was done, we looked in the potty and there is was, yellow-green poop that looked like soft serve ice cream. I was almost tempted to take a picture of it that is how proud I was. Upon further inspection I saw that he also peed. The crowd went wild. Grandmothers were called, Facebook statuses updated, Aunts were texted. It was wonderful, our little boy went on the potty! That day meant a lot to me. Why? That means I am one step closer to being liberated from diaper changing. I am one step closer to not having diapers in my budget. I was so excited I bought him a pair of boxers (no tightie whities for him…gotta let it breathe..lol). I know all of this is premature and it may have been a fluke, but a mom can dream right?