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Just Call Me Amazon Barbie……

30 Sep

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Quelle Surprise!  I know I said I was on a blogging break, but lately I am feeling like I still need an outlet so I am returning to what I do best:  putting my feeling on paper (or computer screen).

This week I returned to running after a year of….um…not running.  As I have stated before, the winter was harsh as shit up here and I just lost my motivation to run.  In the last few months I have had a few starts and stops because my shins and hips were not cooperating.  My joints have been in a great deal of pain and I am 100% sure that is because the 20 that I worked so hard to lose have returned.  If I ever needed proof that I am not made to be on Team Chunk this is it. It is very humbling to go from running 7 miles for fun to doing the Couch to 5k program all over again.  Sometimes I want to cry, give up or punch something but the best thing I can do is just keep going.  Does it depress me when I am only able to do one mile?  Absolutely.  The silver lining is I know that I will get better, the key is not to rush so I can stay injury free this time around.

Operation Cohabitation has been going along well.  There has certainly been a learning curve over the last month has we meld our lives together.  More important, our relationship has grown in so many different ways.  If you would have told me three years ago he and I would be at this place in our relationship I would have never believed it.  We have arrived at the place where the Big M is being discussed and I must admit I am scared.  I am totally not scared of marriage, though judging by how the first one went I should be.  This type scared is the “I’m-scared-something-is-gonna-happen.”  All of my previous relationships there was always something that would show up that would be a deal breaker or I would discover some shit like he is a serial gigalo (true story), a Peter Panesque man child (check!) or he is on “hard” drugs (check!).  While our love is far from new, it’s still refreshing.  It has taken a lot to get used to what a healthy relationship looks like.  I remember one day I was stranded at the Metro Station because I was not able to get a ride home slugging and to add to the chaos I left my debit card at home so I was penniless and stranded.  Though J couldn’t come and get me, he made sure someone did and he made sure my son was not left at the daycare past closing time.  I remember when I finally made it home I apologized profusely and thanked him a million times.  He looked confused and said, “That is what your man is supposed to do.  What was I going to do just leave you out there until you figured it out?”  I am so embarrassed to say that in the past that is exactly would have gone down.  This is not to say everyday we are holding hands and singing “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.”  We have our ups and downs and that is mostly due to trying to figure out who is going to be in charge of what chores.  Bottom line, we are still growing and it looks like we are growing in the right direction.

I have a new love affair with Amazon.  Now we all know how horribly cheap I am so that $79 price tag for Amazon Prime in the beginning of the year was a hard thing for me to swallow, but then came Prime Music.  Anyone who knows me knows I love music and Prime Music has TONS of it!!!  So far I have over 1,000 songs on my list and I am still discovering new music!  Granted, I only bought the Prime Membership so I could watch HBO on demand and save on shipping when I made the occasional purchase.  Almost a year in, I will tell you my purchases from Amazon are anything but occasional now.  I buy EVERYTHING from Amazon.  My running shoes, hair supplies, school supplies, and anything else all came from Amazon.  The free shipping is a bonus, and I love that said free shipping is also FAST.  I have become accustomed to getting my items in 1-2 days tops and I don’t like waiting any long that that anymore.  The last addition that won me over was the introduction of the Kindle Unlimited.  I wanted nothing to do with Kindles when they came out.  Much like the old timers in the office that hate anything that doesn’t include paper I wanted to stick to books.  “You can’t cuddle with a Kindle!”  True, but when you are getting a catalog of books for ten dollars a month, you will make adjustment.  I just read from my Kindle app since I am staring at my phone(my secret introvert tactic) half of the time .

That’s my time…….I’ll be updating more and uh….yeah I need to buy my domain name back…….

Peace.

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For My First Act: The Facebook Hiatus

6 Jan

Last Friday was a strange day for me.  Some good things happened like a promotion but something bigger happened that evening.  I decided to take a break from Facebook.  For some people that want to roll their eyes at that last statement, let me explain that I could be described as a “Facebook Queen.”  It is where you could find me 9 times out of 10 and it is probably fair to say that I haven’t missed a day of posting in almost four years (yikes!).  I was driving home a few weeks ago and “Haunted” by Beyonce came on and the words, “All this shit is boring, all the shit I do is boring…” and the first thing that came to mind for me was Facebook.  On Friday, I went back and looked through my timeline and it was pretty much the same stuff I say every day combined with some shared articles.  This is all stuff I could do on by blog or in person.  For the most part, I just needed a break because like I said, I have been Facebooking non-stop since The Boy was born.  I’m still on Twitter from time to time and though time is ticking on my Instagram, but I can be found there too.  I don’t know how long I am going on hiatus, but I know it’s going to be awhile because Saturday night I had a nightmare I logged on to Facebook and I was disappointed with myself for logging on…soooooo, who knows?

It’s cold like shit. I have never had to live or survive in anything below 20 degrees.  It is going to be so cold here tomorrow that they are closing the schools!  I am not built for this life at all and I am looking forward to the weekend when it is supposed to get back to humane temperatures.  For tonight, I will be breaking in my fireplace because if there was any night it was needed it is tonight.  Stay warm folks!

 

Ordinary People

19 Dec

 

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I have about four drafts of what I “thought” I wanted to blog about and then I remembered that the purpose of the blog was to be….uncensored.  This is my place where I can tell it like it TIS and lately I have been writing to cater to people who feel I should close up my open book or at least edit it so that I can appear to be a certain “way” to the world.  Anyone who knows me knows that I believe in being honest about life in every aspect, so here goes… Continue reading

Promise You Will Sing About Me

9 Dec

I haven’t written about my sister’s wedding plans in a while especially after the “post heard all around social media.” But I have been thinking about her upcoming nuptials and wonder what it will mean for our sisterhood. For whatever reason we weren’t close for YEARS and when my daughter was born we began mending our relationship. When my son arrived six years later I was able to understand her disappointments in me a lot better. Just when we are rocking and rolling, she gets engaged. I’m happy for her because I know this is her dream, but my heart aches a little because I’m losing my baby sister. The feeling of regret is heavy because I wish I spent more time with her and behaved better. So now it feels like my time’s up and the story is over. I know her fiancé is going to make her happy and I want that for her, I just hope she doesn’t forget about me.

It’s Back

16 Nov

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The Sads aka depression is….back. I can’t pinpoint exactly when it returned, but for the last four days I have been paralyzed by crying spells and feeling extremely disconnected with the world. Today I am supposed to have my housewarming, but I am re-scheduling (AGAIN!) because at this exact moment, I can’t get out of bed. I attempted to cook this morning as a way to jump start my mood, but it wasn’t as successful as I hoped it would be. So what now? I don’t really know. I am going to will myself to take a shower and paint my nails(one of my favorite things) and see if that helps. Peace.

Moving: Part One

28 Aug

 

 

I have FINALLY finished my move and I am sitting here at work exhausted, but I feel accomplished because there were a few points in the process I just wanted to throw my hand ups and say “Eff it.”  This move has shined some light on some of my bad habits and the first of those is procrastination.  As I spent half the night finishing up packing and moving things into my car (Honda Civics are surprisingly roomy) I kept kicking myself for not doing most of this sooner.  I knew for over a month now that this day was coming and I will admit, most days when I got off work, I was a slug.  I just sat and procrastinated.  In the eleventh hour, I could be found hauling boxes and whatnot up and down FOUR flights of stairs and FINALLY purging things I really didn’t need.  I won’t be moving again any time soon, but I have got to get better about procrastinating.  Waiting until the last minute causes a lot of undue stress and money.

 

Pintrest is the gateway drug for a DIY addiction.  I started pinning, and then I ended up wanting to do everything I saw, which lead to me, down at Lowes in the appliance section (yeah it doesn’t make sense to me either).  I almost fainted when I saw what it cost to replace a refrigerator and my eyes crossed at carpet prices.  I am going to have to learn to shop around.  I have amazing friends who have given me tips on where to buy cheaper versions, but the best advice I heard all night was to, take my time.  I get overwhelmed because I am trying to do everything at once.  To break all my projects down into something manageable, I have created a list from small to large, then cheapest to expensive.  I don’t have to paint ALL the rooms in a day.  I can start with the bathroom, then move on to another room another month or so down the line.  As with my running, I have to remember to pace myself.

Compliance

13 Aug

 

I heard about the story of Anthony Stokes yesterday and my first thought was, “How horrible!” His parents feel like their son was denied a heart transplant because of his poor grades and run ins with the law.  I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that’s not it.  When you are denied services for non complience it is usually because you have a long and DOCUMENTED history of not following the doctor’s instructions.  How do I know?  I am non compliant.  I have already explained my issues with Bipolar II disorder and I will be the first to tell you, I hate taking those meds.  Hate, Hate, Hate.  While they keep me stable, they cause the worse weight gain and lethargy that I have ever experienced.  Sure the tradeoff is horrible, but the side effects suck.  Not to mention, at the young age of 32 I had a pill box to keep up with what I was supposed to take in the morning, in the day, prn….you get it.  So I get it.  I fall off the wagon, miss appointments, and don’t get my Rx’s filled as the result of that I have been “fired” from several offices for non-compliance.  What I have learned the hard way, is you do not want that non compliance scarlet letter.  There are some doctors who refuse to treat me now( and they have that right) because it is all over my chart that I don’t follow instructions.  That’s the bad part, because when I go into a cycle, that help that I need won’t be available and….it’s my own fault.

Organ transplants are no small thing.  How you would you feel if your family member was waiting on a kidney, and it went to someone who hadn’t done the basics to take care of themselves while they were sick?  I am praying for that young man, and hopefully, he is able to find a way to get another heart and does the right thing when he gets it.

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